i wonder if i really really got over him. what am i doing. going to his friendster. wondering about his birthday. looking at his messages. looking at his number. looking at that place in church where he'l always be. seriously bern, what e hell are u doing. u took so long to forget him. and now..
i first looked at his friendster page to check his birthday cos i dont know why but for some reason i can remember everyone else's birthday except his. and i know its coming. soon. perhaps next week or something. and that means its coming close to one year to that day.. 31st july. and i even thought there was no 31st july. i thought only til 30th. argh. so i went to his page, then i started looking at e pictures. and then i started asking myself funny qns. like "is this e guy u sued to like so much" and funny stuff la. as in wierd out of the blue ridiculous qns. as if somehow i couldnt believe i used to be close to him and that he meant so so so much to me. i dont know how to explain it lah k. but i feel so frustrated with myself now. so angry. how can i even let myself think of him. i promised never to do it. ahhh. i dont know lah. i want our friendship back. i really really really want it back. argh. whatver. dont believe this is happening to me. i think i'm just being mad.

love, bern.

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